What will your dog wear for Halloween? And before you say, “He hates costumes,” let’s remember that your dog has eaten a sock, licked the bottom of a shoe, and voluntarily jumped in the kiddie pool. He can handle a tiny cape for seven minutes.

If you’re serious about winning the neighborhood costume contest, you need a strategy. The competition has become intense. There are dogs dressed as superheroes. Dogs dressed as celebrities. Last year, someone’s golden retriever was dressed as a full Thanksgiving dinner. A. Full. Dinner! We are living in dark times.

Rule #1: Choose a Costume That Says Something About Your Dog

The best costumes have a point of view. Is your dog constantly getting into trouble? Dress them as a criminal mastermind. Does your dog believe every human exists solely to serve them? Congratulations: your dog is now royalty. Does your dog bark at absolutely nothing at 2:17 a.m.? Congratulations again. You have a ghost.

Rule #2: Commit to the Bit

A Halloween costume is not simply an outfit. It’s a performance. If your dog is going as a cowboy, you need the hat, bandana, and possibly a tiny sheriff badge. And when someone asks, “Is he supposed to be a cowboy?” you confidently respond: “He’s the sheriff.” Do not explain further.

If your dog is a dinosaur, don’t settle for “dog wearing dinosaur costume.” Your dog is now a dinosaur who happens to have access to your house. Confidence is everything.

Rule #3: Accessories Win Championships

A tiny briefcase can turn your dog into a business executive. A clipboard can make your dog a manager who has just scheduled a meeting that absolutely could’ve been an email. And if your dog is dressed as a mail carrier, that’s particularly brave—voluntarily dressing as the person who delivers the thing they’ve spent their entire life trying to destroy. That’s character development.

Rule #4: Make Sure Your Dog Can Actually Walk

This may seem obvious, but every Halloween we see dogs attempting to navigate while wearing something that appears to have been designed by Cirque du Soleil. Your dog should be able to walk, see, breathe, and generally behave like a dog.

If the costume requires a three-person production crew to put on, it’s probably too much. Remember: The goal is to win the contest, not recreate the Met Gala. Or the Mutt Gala.

Finally, remember who the real winner is. Your dog doesn’t care whether they win Best Costume, Most Creative, or Honorable Mention for Excellent Effort. Your dog cares about snacks.

So bring treats. Take lots of pictures. Let them sniff every Halloween decoration in the neighborhood. And if they decide halfway through the evening that their costume is unacceptable and simply lie down in someone’s driveway? That’s OK. Because honestly, that might be the winning performance.

Happy Howl-oween from all of us—and may the best-dressed dog win! Preferably yours.